It was now up to her to decide if she was going to have a real relationship with me based on love, mutual respect and equal value, OR if she was going to continue to abuse me.(An option I would no longer tolerate)When I realized that she wasn’t going to contact me again, it cut me to the core. By walking away from me she was saying “you are not worth it Darlene.After we expressed our condolences, her grandmother told us how the woman's husband had stopped by to invite her to the funeral.I just read your book “Why He Disappeared” and really appreciated the great info.Ikä 51 Jostain Southampton, United Kingdom Kirjautunut sisään - Tänään Nainen Haen Miestä (1929 Kilometrin päässä) Sociable , friendly , faithful ,loyal , very young at heart , happy go lucky , strong , independent but be nice to be looked after for a change .When I finally drew my boundaries and make it clear to my mother that I was no longer going to accept her devaluing treatment of me, she walked away. Oh she played her usual manipulative tricks including telling me that I could contact her “when I have thought about it” but I quickly told her that I it wasn’t up to me anymore.There are all these “teachings” out there that when we are an example of “love” we teach love.And the truth is that I was not “being an example of love” by letting her walk all over me.
Because the grief process is an individualized one, it is sometimes difficult to know how soon is too soon to date a widowed man. Although widowers tend to date sooner than widows, this does not mean that men have a shorter grief process than women.
I questioned myself a million times about whether or not I had made a mistake drawing that boundary. It was at the root of all my depressions and low self-esteem. The truth is that what my mother actually proved is that she either does not actually love me, or that she is incapable of healthy loving and mutually respectful relationship.
(I suspect that both are true.)I stopped using my suspicion that she was incapable of loving me or herself as the excuse to let her hurt me.
It is possible that he has not completed the grief process and is trying to lessen the emotional pain through dating.
Someone who is in the midst of the grief process cannot be fully present with you and emotionally available for a relationship.